Lost Continent (1951)

Major Joe Nolan (CesarRomero) leads a search in the South Pacific for a lost atomic rocket that went off course. As they fly over an island a strange force causes their plane to crash. Native girl points then to a plateau that she saw the rocket/ fire bird fly into. The plateau is the dwelling place of their gods and none that go on it returns. So off the party goes up the plateau to find the rocket.

50′s comic book like story with several good actors, but a fair/corny script. The special effects are bad even for this time. On the plus side I didn’t fall asleep and I got just what I expected in watching it.

“We are under orders not to break radio silence until we find the rocket. ”

Weak 50′s sci-fi movie, but if you like them, you like then—-03/10

Foolproof (2003)

Kevin (Ryan Reynolds), Sam (Kristin Booth) and Rob (Joris Jarsky) for fun do theoretical heists. One of their plans is taken and used by a gangster. After the real heist, the gangster blackmails them into pulling off a real heist.

Not top notch action adventure, but passable.  The three stars kept making me think of “Two Guy’s and a Girl”, they have many of the same interactions between each other.

Access Denied! Access Denied!

Tight B movie, but nothing to make it really stand out–03

This is the third installment in the Harry Potter series.  A prisoner has escaped from Azkaban and everyone is on the look out for the dangerous Sirius Black.

Dreadful little movie.  The acting was awful and the movie had a darker but stupider feel to it.  Time travel is the worst thing in stories especially when it isn’t thought out whatsoever.  Doesn’t Harry’s going back in time put him in an endless loop?  Every time he wakes up from being saved by his alternate self, doesn’t he have to go back in time again to save himself.  This movie was terrible and I am not a fan of the new Dumbledore, not that it really matters as nothing could redeem this trash.

“I think you owe someone an apology.”

1/10

This is the fifth Harry Potter film released.  The magic community thinks Harry and Dumbledore are nuts when they say Voledmort is back, but he is.

The goblet of fire had a dark side as a child dies in a quest to win an awesomely amazing prize and the darkness continues in the order of the phoenix as our good pal Voldemort is having a coming out party.  You would think that the Ministry of Magic would not be so obtusely bigoted and be more like oppressed mutants or something.  They really take the name in vain thing to a whole new level.  The power of love seems to really work on Voldemort so I am not exactly sure what everyone is so worried about.  These movies are so damn silly and ridden with unoriginality coupled with plot holes.  It is just ridiculous.  Can’t wait for the next one.

“You’re the weak one and you’ll never know love or friendship and I feel sorry for you.” Being the Lord of Darkness isn’t so cool anymore huh Voldy.

3/10

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is the first installment of the Harry Potter series.  Harry discovers that his parents were wizards and there exists a wizard academy call Hogwart’s that he is to attend.

This is a fine kid’s movie, but I have absolutely no idea how anyone over the age of fifteen can be entertained by this rubbish.  Wow wizards, magic, bad acting, and boring story lines with more cliches than my writing.  I am not a fan.  There were some good elements though like pestering his terrible Aunt and Uncle as well as some of the other original material like funny tasting jellybeans and whatever else.  Everything that isn’t original has been done so many times that it should never be done again.  Love can save the world.  For being a stupid movie for tweens Harry Potter is awarded three points.  Yay.

“You’re a wizard Harry.”

3/10

Master and Commander stars Russell Crowe as a 19th century high seas captain on a mission to take out a French privateer.  The film was nominated for 10 Academy Awards.

This film was done very well.  By that, I mean the costumes, soundtrack, setting, acting, and filming were all well executed.  However, the story was so boring that it didn’t matter how good everything else was.  The plot was so lacking, that the discovery of new species on the Galapagos Islands at one point in the movie felt interesting.  Oh boy new species, finally some action.  Nothing could have overcome the total lack of anything interesting happening ever.  Compounding the boredom was the length of the film at 138 minutes.  That is way too long for this film.  It was a waste of an otherwise job well done.

“In the service, one must always choose the lesser of two weevils.”

5/10

Body Snatchers is a B Horror/Thriller movie based on the 1955 novel by Jack Finney.  People are being cloned and then killed by aliens.

What the hell?  I was asking that question the entire time I watched this.  Every scene was out of control beginning in the outhouse.  This movie was so pathetic.  I am thankful it was only eighty minutes long, but even at that length I grew agitated.  It is the rare film that has nothing good whatsoever.  Not even the random nude scenes could drag this one out of the bottom of the barrel.  It was like watching something made for TV and then it is not even acceptable by those standards.  How brilliant was Forest Whitaker?  Why was he doing a crackhead the whole time?  Then an angry, but philosophical and argumentative, mob of aliens take him out as they enter stage left from out of nowhere.  I loved how the escapees returned to the base and blew it up with no resistance.  Oh and did you know where the safest place to go after you blow up a military base in broad daylight?  Atlanta.  Fascinating.  This piece was a mess and I hated it.

“No one like you is left.”

1/10

Zombieland is a comedy starring Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Abigail Breslin, and Emma Stone.  A zombie infestation occurs and a select few struggle to survive.

This movie started out pretty strong for me.  It felt like a fresh take on a classic story.  The filming seemed interesting and the story was quirky.  Unfortunately, the first fifteen minutes and the five minutes of Bill Murray were the only bits I liked.  It went from original to hackjob in about 3 seconds.  Jesse Eisenberg is one of my least favorite actors around.  In this movie, his Michael Cera wannabe shtick was terribly irritating.  I wish I had just turned it off after fifteen minutes.  Not enjoyable.

“Just played nine holes on the Riviera. Just walked on.”  That part had me laughing pretty well.

3/10

The NeverEnding Story is a children’s film adapted from a novel of the same name.  It is a boy’s adventure as a book he is reading becomes real.

Everybody has their favorite movies from their childhood.  The NeverEnding Story was not one of mine, but it was for a lot of people I know.  So when I finally got around to watching it, I could not believe how awful it was.  It was not even close to watchable for me.  I couldn’t care less about the terrible special effects.  It is from a different time so that is just expected.  What annoyed me was how bad the acting and story were.  I was even being somewhat lax since it is a children’s movie.  How good or bad could it really be?  Unbearably bad.

“Atreyu!”

1/10

Clash of the Titans is a remake from a classic movie in the 80′s which in turn was based on the legend of Perseus.

This movie was just completely mindless.  The dialogue was way too lame.  I wasn’t really entertained at all.  The only redeeming scenes were some of the animated action.  Aside from that, this movie was garbage.  It was chalked too full of cliches and so many damn one-liners.  It was just one big pissing contest from line to line and scene to scene.  Not the worst movie, but pretty dull.

“Don’t look this bitch in the eye.”

3/10