Marvel Comic movie directed by Kenneth Branagh about the Norse god of thunder, Thor, being banished from Asgard to earth and having to adjust to a human sort of life.

What a terrible movie.  I can’t believe Thor was this bad.  The entire dialogue was comprised of nonsense and one-liners.  Portman’s performance, at its best, was awkward and full of cringes.  I have seen better stories watching Saturday morning cartoons.  This guy that fights his way through a government camp is just a drunk undocumented scientist.  We can let him out with a warning.  So stupid.  This was one of the worst movies I have ever seen.  The special effects were the only well done piece of the film.  If you think this movie was cool because of the awesome rainbow road then there is just no saving you.  Absolute rubbish.

“Is there a renaissance fair in town?”

1/10

This is the third installment in the Harry Potter series.  A prisoner has escaped from Azkaban and everyone is on the look out for the dangerous Sirius Black.

Dreadful little movie.  The acting was awful and the movie had a darker but stupider feel to it.  Time travel is the worst thing in stories especially when it isn’t thought out whatsoever.  Doesn’t Harry’s going back in time put him in an endless loop?  Every time he wakes up from being saved by his alternate self, doesn’t he have to go back in time again to save himself.  This movie was terrible and I am not a fan of the new Dumbledore, not that it really matters as nothing could redeem this trash.

“I think you owe someone an apology.”

1/10

Body Snatchers is a B Horror/Thriller movie based on the 1955 novel by Jack Finney.  People are being cloned and then killed by aliens.

What the hell?  I was asking that question the entire time I watched this.  Every scene was out of control beginning in the outhouse.  This movie was so pathetic.  I am thankful it was only eighty minutes long, but even at that length I grew agitated.  It is the rare film that has nothing good whatsoever.  Not even the random nude scenes could drag this one out of the bottom of the barrel.  It was like watching something made for TV and then it is not even acceptable by those standards.  How brilliant was Forest Whitaker?  Why was he doing a crackhead the whole time?  Then an angry, but philosophical and argumentative, mob of aliens take him out as they enter stage left from out of nowhere.  I loved how the escapees returned to the base and blew it up with no resistance.  Oh and did you know where the safest place to go after you blow up a military base in broad daylight?  Atlanta.  Fascinating.  This piece was a mess and I hated it.

“No one like you is left.”

1/10

The NeverEnding Story is a children’s film adapted from a novel of the same name.  It is a boy’s adventure as a book he is reading becomes real.

Everybody has their favorite movies from their childhood.  The NeverEnding Story was not one of mine, but it was for a lot of people I know.  So when I finally got around to watching it, I could not believe how awful it was.  It was not even close to watchable for me.  I couldn’t care less about the terrible special effects.  It is from a different time so that is just expected.  What annoyed me was how bad the acting and story were.  I was even being somewhat lax since it is a children’s movie.  How good or bad could it really be?  Unbearably bad.

“Atreyu!”

1/10

Nine Dead is a horror film starring Melissa Joan Hart.  People chained in a basement with a riddle.  Does that sound familiar?  Wasn’t this stupid the first time?

Awful.  This is a lousy Saw rip-off.  Saw was bad enough, but this was terrible.  Some of the worst acting I have ever seen.  It was all punctuated by there only being actors in an empty room.  If the actors are so relied upon, like they are here, why would anyone in their right mind employ this batch of hacks.  In particular, most of my disgust is directed at Melissa Joan Hart, whose wretched performance is etched into my brain.  The ending was absolutely nothing but stupid.  Exactly as expected from this piece of trash.  Hands down one of the worst movies I have ever spent an hour and a half of my life with.

“And now I’m here.  And I promise you, I promise you, I will live through this and I will survive at all, at all costs.”  This wasn’t a quote from the movie.  This is what I said into the bathroom mirror when I paused this thing and went for a tinkle.

1/10

Encino Man is a comedy starring Pauly Shore so it’s got to be good right?

Not my style.  Really lame comedy that may have a cult following, but I don’t really know.  I know it’s bad enough to have one.  Pauly Shore makes a pretty worthless movie with this one.  I haven’t seen his others and after this one, I am not sure I want to.  I had really low expectations, but they should have been lower.  This was retarded.  Complete waste of everything.

“Weeze the juice!”

1/10

Isla Fisher stars in romantic comedy about designer clothes and the debt that follows.

I hated this movie so much.  I love Sacha Baron Cohen and anything he touches including his wife, so this couldn’t be too bad.  But it was.  If I were him, I would be at least considering divorce after seeing this piece of filth.  It was so horrible and idiotic.  When it was revealed that her debt was so out of control, didn’t everybody say to themselves, “Oh well this is simple, just sell all that expensive shit you have.”  Then it is the big plan at the end.  Like they just revealed how to translate hieroglyphics.  This movie was made for and by morons.

” Mom prices got you brown things that lasted forever.”  They must have done this movie on a mom budget because this piece of shit scarred me for life.

1/10

A comic book adaptation from Frank Miller.

One of the worst movies I have ever had the misfortune of watching sober.  This is wretched.  The writing is so uniquely horrible.  The acting is absolutely pathetic and the Sin City like presentation looks like a joke.  This movie really made my blood boil.  The Spirit’s stupid red tie is like a cherry on top of this piece of shit sundae.

“I’m gonna kill you all kinds of dead.” Genius

1/10

This is the second movie in the Harry Potter Series.  It is directed by Chris Columbus.  The crew must solve the mystery of Tom Riddle.

Total trash.  I don’t mind all of the Harry Potter movies, but this one I do.  The entire storyline is just stupid.  Why are there clues being left everywhere?  What is the point?  This movie was just made without any sense whatsoever.

“He called me a mudblood.”

1/10

Willard is a horror movie about a man leading a pack of rats like the Pied Piper, but not.  It stars Crispin Glover.

What a horrible horror.  This movie was absolutely wretched.  The acting was awful.  The story and dialogue must have been written by a four year old.  I hated this movie.  It was so hilariously bad.  I am at a loss for words.

“He was the only friend I’ve ever had!”

1/10