Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is the third movie in the Underworld series.  It serves as a prequel to the first two of the series.  It tells how the vampire werewolf war began.

Another mindless action movie with nothing to offer.  This movie was stupid the whole way through and was often very boring.  The movie had tons of horrible dialogue and was riddled with ridiculous plot holes.  It was pretty much unwatchable.  The action sequences are stale and the plot is clichéd.  You would have to be a very hardcore follower of the Underworld series to get anything out of this.  This trash is just fanboy fodder.

“We can be Lycans!”  I think I’ll pass but thanks.

2/10

Dinner for Schmucks is a comedy starring Paul Rudd and Steve Carell.  It is about a man climbing the corporate ladder and his chance encounter with a man who dresses and arranges stuffed dead mice portraying famous scenes.

This movie was cliché-filled waste of time.  A schmuck is the left over skin after a circumcision, and that is exactly what this movie is.  It is the left over skin cut from a much funnier penis of a film.  I may have laughed once the entire film.  It was so boring and overdone.  I did not enjoy Carell as the torturer nor did I enjoy Rudd as the victim.  Old jokes that weren’t funny the first time usually aren’t going to be funny the next go around.  Tired.

“You may say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not.”

3/10

Three Comrades

The movie was directed by Frank Borzage an old silent movie star turned director. He directed “A Farewell to Arms” with Gary Cooper.

The movie is about three ex-German soldiers, that stick together after WWI. The three are Gottfried (Robert Young), Otto (Franchot Tone) and Erich (Robert Taylor). Erich falls in love with mysterious  Patricia (Margaret Sullavan).

The movie has it all preaching, action, love story and tragedy. Lot’s of long speeches, with stares into space. Really wanted to like this movie. There are moments where the dialog is fantastic, but it just doesn’t cover up for the rest of the movie. The end had me rolling my eyes are reaching for the remote.

“Bring her flowers. Flowers cover everything, even graves.”

Considered a classic by many–didn’t see why 02/10

The Matrix Revolutions is the conclusion of the Matrix trilogy.  Neo must finally achieve savior status and destroy Agent Smith and the machines once and for all.

This was not good.  It is definitely the weakest of the three Matrix films and after what was a refreshingly good start with the first we have been left in the dumpster by the third.  This was basically unwatchable.  I don’t even know where to begin.  I really did not have a good time with this one.  A Kung Fu rain battle with a hero sacrifice ending.  C’mon that’s the best they could do?  Waste of time.

“I wish I hadn’t.  That was my last thought.” – Couldn’t have said it better myself.

2/10

Saw is a horror film from James Wan.  Two men are captured by a serial killer known for the interesting “situations” he places his victims into.

Total yawn-cliché-fest.  This was disappointing after so many people said it was a decent horror.  This movie was unbelievably full of itself.  What exactly was original here?  The way the murderer forces his victims hand into making a horrible decision was somewhat interesting and new, but that made up about 2% of the movie.  The other 98% was made up of gimmicky clichés, horrible acting, plot holes, and boredom.  This movie and its fans can’t get enough of its own flatulence.  Disgusting.

“I want to play a game.”

2/10

The Soloist is a film from Joe Wright starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx.  It is the story of Nathaniel Ayers, a homeless schizophrenic cellist.

This movie was entirely too frustrating.  In order to peer into the mind of a schizophrenic, does the film have to become schizophrenic as well?  Every other scene was an overload scene where there are too many visuals and sounds.  Everyone of them really irked me.  I am guessing it was to contrast the sweet and solemn musical scenes, but the film was just trying too hard.  I did like the friendship scene which was the only part of the film that resonated with me.  The “you don’t know god, I know god” theme of the movie seemed childish.  Somewhere between the chaos and awkward scene arrangement there was a story with a message.  Though it was completely lost in the useless clutter.

“I’ve learned the dignity of being loyal to something you believe in.”

3/10

Enemy of the State stars Gene Hackman and Will Smith.  It is a classic government coverup story where those who know too much are hunted down and silenced.

I didn’t exactly have high expectations when I decided to watch this and man was I let down.  This was really bad.  The complete nonsensical story feels like it was written by a twelve year old.  The government kills a congressman like they do all the time you know, and then Average Joe gets the evidence,  and then someone who knows everything ever will find Average Joe and then the government will kill another person to frame him and then the mob will have a shoot out with the bad guys until the real good guys come and then it is all back to normal and cool.  Every time I thought we had hit rock bottom there was another bizarre story element that assured me we were going lower.  I couldn’t believe how bad this was.

“You do and you don’t know it.” Way to go paranoia.

2/10

This is the fifth Harry Potter film released.  The magic community thinks Harry and Dumbledore are nuts when they say Voledmort is back, but he is.

The goblet of fire had a dark side as a child dies in a quest to win an awesomely amazing prize and the darkness continues in the order of the phoenix as our good pal Voldemort is having a coming out party.  You would think that the Ministry of Magic would not be so obtusely bigoted and be more like oppressed mutants or something.  They really take the name in vain thing to a whole new level.  The power of love seems to really work on Voldemort so I am not exactly sure what everyone is so worried about.  These movies are so damn silly and ridden with unoriginality coupled with plot holes.  It is just ridiculous.  Can’t wait for the next one.

“You’re the weak one and you’ll never know love or friendship and I feel sorry for you.” Being the Lord of Darkness isn’t so cool anymore huh Voldy.

3/10

The Matrix: Reloaded is the sequel to the hit movie The Matrix.  The same cast is back as Neo has become a master of the matrix and is empowering Zion in their revolution over the machines.

This is yet another horrible sequel.  It was all action all the time.  The great philosophical and intriguing aspects of the original were shoved aside for some kick ass slow motion CG junk.  When the attempts were made to expand the plot, it was laughable and confounding.  In general sequels just can’t bring the impact that their predecessors had because all of the originality and creative juice has been exhausted.  Unfortunately for us and the series itself, this was no exception.  The movie was one big car wreck from top to bottom.

“It’s like wiping your ass with silk.”  A decent line from such rubbish.

3/10

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is the first installment of the Harry Potter series.  Harry discovers that his parents were wizards and there exists a wizard academy call Hogwart’s that he is to attend.

This is a fine kid’s movie, but I have absolutely no idea how anyone over the age of fifteen can be entertained by this rubbish.  Wow wizards, magic, bad acting, and boring story lines with more cliches than my writing.  I am not a fan.  There were some good elements though like pestering his terrible Aunt and Uncle as well as some of the other original material like funny tasting jellybeans and whatever else.  Everything that isn’t original has been done so many times that it should never be done again.  Love can save the world.  For being a stupid movie for tweens Harry Potter is awarded three points.  Yay.

“You’re a wizard Harry.”

3/10