Invictus is a film based on actual events about a South African rugby team.  It is directed by Clint Eastwood and was up for two Academy Awards.

Invictus was a film I was looking forward to seeing very much.  It had everything going for it.  Clint Eastwood directing, underdog sports story, and the drama from the end of a long apartheid.  Unfortunately, I don’t think the movie could tie the last two together.  It fell flat where the sport was concerned.  As a sport movie this is one of the lamest I have seen.  Movies about sport can be stirring when we take a journey with the athlete.  But Invictus can’t do that because of all the Mandela scenes.  We know one of the athletes and just briefly.  He is more of an acquaintance than a beloved comrade.  We just aren’t given the background information to care about the athlete characters.  Therefore, we are just left with scenes of sport cliche.  Now we look at the movie from dramatic aspirations.  This was undoubtedly a gripping time in South Africa where age old terms of apartheid are crumbling and new justice is rising.  So much hate had to be shed and all we are given is a father’s smart ass comments to his television, and a coach’s one-liner to his kids, the first words of the film.  That’s it?!  There were more feelings of racial tension in Malibu’s Most Wanted.  Where is our conflict and resolution?  Despite my criticisms, I did not deplore the film completely.  Mandela’s portrayal as the constant struggler along with his Dalai Lama values were somewhat uplifting.  It was just so disappointing to me.

“It is the taste of defeat. Drink it, remember this and promise yourself never to taste it again. You’re right, it tastes like shit.”

4/10

Gran Torino is directed by and stars Clint Eastwood.  It is recognized by the AFI as one the ten best films of 2008.   However, it was not nominated for a single Academy Award.  It did win a Cesar Award in France for Best Foreign Film.

This movie is way too over the top.  Eastwood’s character is unreasonable to say the least.  He does have a funny one liner every now and then, but it does not overcome the films ridiculousness.  The Asian actors are really bad and there were a couple serious moments where I actually caught myself laughing.  The ending is just a touch over dramatic.  Every single character is a horribly hilarious stereotype.  The twist at the end was pretty predictable and what exactly would have happened if only one Asian gangster killed him?  This movie was trying really hard to be not politically correct, but it is like the annoying guy who is always cursing to seem cool.  You really just want them to leave you alone and shut up.

“I think you are an overeducated 27 year old virgin who likes to hold the hands of superstitious old ladies and promise them everlasting life.”

4/10

Beyond Atlantis (1973)

The movie (no surprise) is set in the  Philippines. Strange mysterious bug-eyed tribe uses a fisherman by the name Manuel the Barracuda (Vic Diaz) to bring them supplies. They pay for the supplies with rare and extremely valuable pearls. The Barracuda takes the pearls to East Eddie (Sid Haig) a pimp to exchange them for cash. East Eddie sees a great opportunity in the finding more of the pearls and brings in Logan (John Ashley) a degenerate gambler that owes him money to setup an expedition.  Logan at East Eddie’s request hires expert diver and boat owner Vic Mathias (Patrick Wayne) to take them to the island. While making their deal “Scientist” Katherine Vernon (Lenore Stevens) overhears the deal and believing they can help her find a lost tribe finds a way to join the expedition. They start their adventure with East Eddie beating Manuel the Barracuda till he tells them where to find the pearls.  Then it’s off to find the pearls and destroy and anything that gets in their way. Like bug-eyed natives with knifes and spears.

This is one of those movies that’s so bad you just can’t stop watching it. Found myself laughing at the film not with it. The ending is so stupid, it boggles your mind. But then it does fit in with the rest of the movie.

Can a movie be so bad it’s good?  If you think it’s possible give this one a try—-02-10

9 is a film by Shane Acker produced by Tim Burton.  It is the spawn of a 2005 short of the same name.

This movie was really childish.  Tim Burton associated his name with it and it had a PG-13 rating, so I expected a little more of an adult theme.  I don’t love Tim Burton’s animations, but I definitely don’t usually mind watching them.  Other than being awkwardly dark as to make me squint, I don’t understand the rating.  Visually the film had a painted sort of look to it that was different.  It was better looking than most animated movies.  The story, however, was very weak and not something I enjoyed.  Overall, I couldn’t help but feel like this film was disappointing and just more of the same lame cliches packaged in a Saturday morning cartoon thing.

“You owe me a new cape”

3/10

Average rating: 3/10 (2 ratings)

The Joneses (2009)

Perfect family headed by Kate(Demi Moore) and Steve Jones(David Duchovny), with children Jenn(Amber Heard) & Mick(Ben Hollingsworth), move into a suburban neighborhood where they and own and use the latest products.

The movie is mortality play about the American family and it’s consumption. It’s high handed, with a predictable story line.

Some might find it creative, not me—–04-10

Synecdoche, New York is a film directed and written by Charlie Kaufman.  Kaufman is best known for films such as Being John Malcovich, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, or Adaptation.  The title of the film is derived from Schenectady, New York and synecdoche where a piece represents the whole.

This movie is honestly beyond my interpretative abilities.  We begin with stable characters and progress toward total blending of dream and reality.  This leads to a surreal emergence of a play within the created world of the film.  The world is then swallowed by the play and I am left completely lost.  I feel like I could only understand the film and its motives after some extensive study in Literature and Theatre.  Until then, I am just confused and lost in the film.

“I don’t know what I am doing.”

4/10

Misery is a Rob Reiner film based on a Stephen King novel.  Kathy Bates won an Academy Award for her performance as Annie Wilkes.

This movie is critically acclaimed pretty well, but I just don’t see it here.  Kathy Bates is good in the role of Nurse Psychopath, but other than that, the film just comes off as being silly.  The plot is established as being completely ridiculous and there is nothing to gain from the two characters.  It is merely a movie built for entertainment and it can’t even find ways to do that.  The hobbling scene was really the only interesting part of the movie.  Every other moment is dull and seems familiar.

“Eat it ’til ya choke, you sick, twisted fuck!”

3/10

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010)

Dastan (Jake Gyllenhaal) is an orphan adopted by the King  because of an act of courage. The story starts with Dastan and his royal-blooded foster brothers, Tus (Richard Coyle), Garsiv (Toby Kebbell), and his uncle, Nizam (Ben Kingsley) are planning an attack on the sacred city of Alamut. The city is ruled by Princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton), turns out she is the protector of a magic dagger.

This movie is loaded with action-maybe too much action. It has all the makings of a really good fantasy film. The special effects were over the top and became more important than the story. The last part of the movie was dragged out with extra scenes just to add extra effects. Action movie, with fighting love interests that finely fall for each other.

Difficult, not impossible.

Middle of the road fantasy movie—–05-10

Attack on Leningrad (2009)

It’s 1941 and the German have surrounded Leningrad. They plan to destroy the city by cutting off the food and starving it’s millions of residents. Enter Kate Davis (Mira Sorvino) a British war corespondent that gets trapped in Leningrad. Forced into hiding, she is befriended by Nina (Olga Sutulova). Kate attempts to avoid capture and survive starvation with the help of  a Russian family.

The movie started off well and it held my attention, but it just wasn’t a good movie. The plot and the movement of the story line doesn’t hold up. You want to feel the pain the characters are experiencing, but it’s so clumsy you can’t.

It’s a pass from me–save your time—–04-10

Invasion of the Saucer Men (1957)

Flying saucer lands in the woods, near make-out point. Johnny Carter (Steven Terrell) and Joan Haydon (Gloria Castillo) a teenage couple leaving make-out point, without headlights, accidentally hit one of the aliens. Joe Gruen (Frank Gorshin) a partying drifter finds the dead alien and plans to use it to make money. Instead the alien kills him and exchanges his body for the aliens. Now when the kids come back with the police, nobody believes their story. They enlist the help of Joe’s friend Artie (Lyn Osborn) to stop the aliens.

It’s a teen drive in movie from the 50′s–it’s the teens against the aliens because the older people just don’t believe them. Also it was fun to see the Riddler in a different roll–kept waiting for him to say–”Riddle me this”.

It’s funny and corny, but I enjoyed watching it. —–6-10

I expected to be frightened on my wedding night, but nothing like this.